A question of identity…

So learning a language and living in a place where you have to use that language brings up many things other than just your ability to learn that language. As we have spent the last 13 weeks studying Swahili I have had to come to terms with the frustration of not being able to communicate quite what I want to! For someone like me, an extrovert by default, I love to be able to communicate with people. If I have an idea or a thought I ‘HAVE’ to get it out there… somewhere out into the wide world! If I can’t I feel frustrated, stunted, unable to be who I feel I am. Unable to express myself and my character fully. This is the situation I have found myself in over the last few weeks! As we’ve gone about learning a new language, and trying to speak to people in it, I have found that I often don’t have the words to communicate exactly what I want to. I’ve been struggling to express myself and been getting frustrated because I can’t communicate even basic things. I’ve even found myself get nervous when trying to say something (normally I have no problem speaking in front of groups!), and have to keep quiet when I would normally like to say something.

This is a testing time. Not only does it pile on the pressure to learn, I NEED to learn more so I am able to communicate what I want/need better, but it can also get you down – I feel like no one understands me and that I’m not able to be who I want to. However I know things will change. Time will bring more learning and more ability to communicate. I will be able to get things across… by words or actions!

One other positive from this experience is that I have been given a good chance to experience a little of what it might be like to have to rely heavily on a language other than your mother tongue! To have to rely on a language that you don’t fully understand or are able to communicate in – that doesn’t fully speak to your heart – for some tasks is tough! To think that all the people we will be working with have to contend with this everyday, all of their lives, is hard to comprehend. I know I have found it hard these last few weeks… I can’t wait to try and help make it possible for people to enjoy the experience of mother tongue communication for the first time!