Learning to love solitude

Many of you will know that Matt has just returned from a month in Tanzania. If you’ve been following his twitter (catch up here!) you will have heard some news from him as to how it all went. He’s also put a few pictures online so if you’d like to get a visual flavour of what he was up to just click here. However that only tells half the story. With this blog I wanted to let you know a little of how it was from my side, ‘holding the fort’ here in the UK.

It was a time that I had been dreading a little; in my emotional pregnant state there were times when just to think about Matt going away for a month made me want to cry (I blame it on the hormones!). Due to us both working at home at the moment we were used to knowing each other’s every move and so it was strange to think of being apart for so long. It was also a rather stressful time leading up to his departure as I had a recurrence of iritis in my right eye and it was taking a while to heal. So it was with a few tears (from an already sore eye!) that I waved Matt goodbye.

I was encouraged, however, by the thought that many people were thinking of us as we were apart and many were praying too. I was happy to be staying in a place I love (even if I didn’t get to see the exciting sights that Matt would as he travelled) with the care and company of my parents. I was also looking forward to visits from other family and good friends to help pass the time… so all in all my lot was not a bad one! Plus, with the wonders of phones and skype (despite their unreliability at times in Africa) I knew I would be able to keep in good contact with Matt and how he was getting on.

Now, looking back, I am amazed at how fast the time went and how much of an enjoyable time it was for me. At first it seemed so quiet without Matt (!) but I felt like I rediscovered my introvert nature and learned to enjoy the solitude. I was aware that I should appreciate it, as when the baby comes (soon!), it will be hard to find peace and quiet or to get time on my own. On my solitary walks by the river I was able to contemplate the changing seasons, in nature and also in my life, and to feel encouraged, strengthened and excited for what is coming. I knew that just as I felt God’s presence then, with my husband thousands of miles away, so God would be with me in the new challenges and transitions that would come in my life.

I also think it was really positive for me to feel more like ‘a person in my own right’ rather than just half of a couple. It is easy for any couple, especially if you are together a lot, to forget what your own individual identities are a little. This was a time for me to be affirmed in who I am as a person, and to know that I am valued, treasured and remembered just for being me and my daily Bible readings seemed to emphasise this. I also really appreciated everyone who ‘remembered’ me with a text, email, prayer or phone call – thanks! I didn’t do anything extremely adventurous on my own during this time but it was a start and I will remember it as an encouragement and challenge for the future.

So… I had a great month! I missed Matt lots and was SO excited to see him again, but in some ways I was (almost) sad that my month of solitude was ending! We had a lovely reunion and now I can truly say that time apart enriches a relationship and I appreciate having my husband around even more than I did before!