“Where are all the men?”

The absence of men on the mission field is a question often raised but quickly forgotten without the real effects of it being fully considered; a side of missionary life that is often skipped over and difficult to understand. When it is raised it will often be from the point of view of women (since there are more of them this is understandable!), and in particular single women. The difficulties of being a single female missionary, facing the reality of perhaps staying as such, are obvious. Reading an account from one such individual recently (click here to read) reminded me of the discussions we have had here with various people about the difficulties this raises. It is hard being single, female, and a missionary. More discussions on this topic should be had. However, it also got me thinking that there is another side to this whole ‘issue’. The reality of there being few men on the mission field has its effects on men too! If there are not many men around, one result of which being that the prospect for single women to meet future partners may be lowered, another result is that there are few men around for missionary men to make friends with!

The title of this blog is a direct quote from a ‘was’ exasperated friend from church in Sheffield who once exclaimed ‘where are all the men?!’, when referring to the lack of eligible men in the church. I am happy to say that this lady is now married, however the reality remains the same today. I am not going to get into a debate of why this is right now (although I do have some thoughts) but the result of there being fewer men in the church is that there are also fewer men on the mission field! In particular, single men. On a side note for a moment I do still find this a slightly strange phenomenon. Despite there being fewer Christian men, I do still know quite a few of them. So then... why are they not on the mission field when the stereotypical view of missionary life is one of adventure and exploration – arguably an element that many men would love to increase in their daily lives. Interesting, no? Again, however, this is another question that I will have to leave for another day. The point of this entry was to address the reality of the lack of men on the mission field... from a man’s point of view. So lets try...

Preparing to move out to Tanzania in January of this year I knew life would be very different. I knew there would be less people around to build friendships with. I knew there would be more women than men. I knew cross-cultural difficulties would arise. I knew finding people who have similar interests to you would be hard. Being an extrovert myself, knowing the importance of good friendships in my life, I knew these things would be hard. However no amount of knowledge or forethought can ever fully prepare you for the reality. Of course the difficulties of building friendships are there for both men and women, I am not discounting that. However when you find yourself working in a project whose expat community is two thirds women, with 5 single women and 0 single men, I believe it is fair to say it might be potentially harder for men to build good friendships than women. Given the other realities of missionary life... that there are fewer activities to do here for example... along with the challenges of practically building good male friendships (having a joint activity to ‘bond’ over often helps!) and you see how difficult a situation it could be. One may be very fortunate and find another guy who you have similar interests to and who you easily get along with. Or God may be gracious and your intentional relationship building effort will quickly turn into a close and easy friendship. However this, I would argue, is not the norm.

So what is the point in these thoughts? I guess I just wanted to take some time to think about, and to raise the question of, what it means to be a man on the mission field. This is just one of the struggles that I have faced so far, and one that I know has been experienced by many other men in a similar position. I am not saying that friendships here are impossible – if I was I think we would be packing right now and going home. I believe that they are possible and they will come. God promises that where he calls us he will provide for ALL our needs. Of course the stresses of new relationships are the same wherever you are and whatever you are doing. Back at home I know I faced similar things. However these common struggles, just like almost everything here, seem somewhat magnified in the light of the situation we find ourselves in. It is important that we recognise these struggles, address them as much as we can and then bring them to God.

So then... how do we reach the men of this world...?